More Movie Madness v2.25.08

Hey, movie fans! I gather there was some kind of cinematical type awards thing that happened. I don't know much of how that turned out, but I do know that Lindsay Lohan was nominated for two Razzies in the category for Worst Actress. In the same movie! I love to rip on the latest crop of wastoids as much as the next guy, but I can't get on board here. There is plenty of fodder with which to jump on the young, freckle faced Lohan. She was not the worst actress I've seen in a film this year. Not by a long shot. I've detailed my issues with I Know Who Killed Me, but let's not turn the great Razzie award into just another weak way to potshot the latest headlining twits. It tarnishes the whole institution.

Speaking of bad movies....

The Heartbreak Kid (2007)
This was painful to watch. I suppose I am just supposed to tell you how awesomely funny it was because of the Farrelly brothers. Or Stiller (either one). However, I just can't do it. The story was lame, the jokes stale and the performances wooden. Just what the hell is this crap? Whoa, don't forget about the ending. It was failure on a silver platter. Listen up, folks. Don't accept this kind of thing. These people can do better, but YOU must make them. The last few people I discussed this movie with were telling me just how hilarious it is and I felt like smacking them. Don't be like them.
FAIL

Dragon Wars (2007)
This thing was also called D-War. Should have been D-saster. The basic story of lovers torn apart in the midst of an epic battle between good and evil serpents vying to ascend to great dragonhood, repeated every 500 years. So we get the great Asian back story as told by a person that didn't feel like acting that day. The lovers are now reborn to present day and the whole thing is replaying itself. The CGI f/x was not great, but they sure did have a bunch of it. There were evil henchmen that were some kind of rape child of classic cylons and Ghengis Khan. There were flying beasts battle attack helicopters and giant sloth-like dinosaur creatures with steam-punk rocket boosters strapped on their backs. Some Feds make a brief, pointless appearance and add nothing. A few very misplaced attempts at levity which, given the actual movie, were really not needed. They tossed me Darryl from The Office, but it just wasn't enough to counteract the crappy villain, the half thought out mumbo jumbo and having to watch people run (successfully) away from a 600 foot, angry serpent. Then it just ends. Thank god. FAIL

Good Luck Chuck (2007)
Here's another one that I find people liking. WTF PEOPLE? I like to look at Jessica Alba too, but this is ridiculous. I hear a ton about Dane Cook. This was my first exposure to him. He sucked. Period. The funny fat guy friend was a waste too (he redeemed himself somewhat as Randy Daytona, but we'll get to that in a bit). Guy is cursed, falls in love, must do something or other to get chick in the end. Simple enough. Been done. How to fuck that up? Well, you throw in some bad acting, really bad jokes, and a complete and utter lack of respect for you audience. Then you stir until smooth. Seemingly, the 10 minute montage of Chuck getting fucked was a really great idea. In practice, not really. Firstly, it was like trying to watch late night porn on the fuzzy station you didn't pay for (come on, you geezers, try to recall the old days). Secondly, it was too god damned long. Way too long. If you leave your audience checking their watches and wondering when the sex scenes will end, you really tooled it up. FAIL

Balls of Fury (2007)
This movie is dumb. I still laughed. It really has it all. Unlike the previously reviewed flicks in the Ridiculously Idiotic Comedy genre, it brought us ping pong. You can't go wrong with ping pong. A tale of revenge and redemption coupled with some kung fuey goodness, death match ping pong and Chris Walken. Unlike his turn in Good Luck Chuck, Dan Fogler plays the role of Randy Daytona to the hilt. Appropriately goofy and strange, this movie brings just enough to be above the average. Don't get me wrong, this isn't a classic, but that doesn't mean you can't find a chuckle. Walken is the same character, but I haven't tired of it, nor do I ever tire of James Hong. Those two cats are just funny. Aisha Tyler, George Lopez and Jason Scott Lee are nice accompaniments. Yes, I know, you thought it was crap. Go fuck yourself and don't forget to return your Netflix version of Good Luck Chuck. PASS

No Reservations (2007)
What can I say about this one? Not bad. Not good. Good cast, decent acting. It is, however, not much more than your typical romantic comedy. Being a step behind the times, Hollyweird is just know grasping the popular interest in all things chefly and the two leads are, yes indeedy, chefs! They also manage to have the poor child's mother killed right off, so we can put the two reluctant gals together, uptight over-adulty Chef Zeta-Jones and her niece, fresh from a mother-killing car wreck. Add a pinch of wacky, stud chef romantic interest and we have a movie! I won't lie, it did enough to keep my interested (mostly) and the child actress did a good job. Not to mention a nice bit by Bob Balaban as a therapist. Nothing new here, but at least it didn't suck. PASS

The Invasion (2007)
This is another movie that got slammed by everyone and their sister's dog. I have to start by mentioning that I can't stand Nicole Kidman. I should also say, I loved the original Invasion of the Body Snatchers and pretty much all bad and/or old sci-fi and horror. So, chances were slim that I would enjoy this. Funny thing, though, I did. I also found myself liking Kidman (maybe it's just knowing she ran screaming from that fruitcake ex-husband coupled with a need to fill the vacuum left by Katie, now relegated to "lunatic fringe" status). Anyway, the movie turns the body snatcher idea slightly more modern. Our heroine must stress her mind and body to the limit to protect her son. Certainly, there are some moments that don't quite work and, as usual, the end is rather slapdash, but I enjoyed what Kidman did here. No it wasn't edge of your seat tense or overly thought provoking, but I didn't ask it to be. I gather that the muckety mucks took the first version and had the Wachowski brothers to vamp it up. What resulted was car chases and nonsense best left on the cutting room floor. It was worth the look for me, but it fell short of special. PASS

The Killing of John Lennon (2006)
Not a subject I have much interest in. It was, however, a well made film. Captured the time excellently and was properly researched. The central character is a loon. I think that came across. There were some parts of the movie that were surreal and dreamlike. I suppose on the level of suffering the blur of the killer's mental state. Some people will like this, noting the really good work done filming and crafting this movie. Others will get their hackles up about Lennon, exploitation and all that dribble. Where I draw the line is the point at which I fell asleep...in the middle of the day. It was too fucking long. What I could suffer through was interesting, but my addled brain couldn't consume it all without flickering out. PASS

Waitress (2007)
A little movie. A movie about a small town, a small lass and her pies. And other, life stuff. I have a soft spot for Keri Russell, but discounting for that, she still did an outstanding job, as did most of her castmates. This is just regular stuff, done well. Relationships and life. Everyday complications and the pies that make it better, if only briefly. Jeremy Sisto is great as a shithead husband, Cheryl Hines amps up a version of Florence Jean Castleberry for the new generation and Andy Griffith is a top notch cantankerous old letch. I did, due to a mistimed canine bathroom break, manage to miss the last 10 minutes, but I can still confidently recommend the movie to fans of these types of stories. If you are more drawn to Hostel, you might want to pass. On the other hand, I liked it, so who the hell knows. At least they succeeded in what they meant to do, whether that is your cup of tea or not. Sidenote: the film's Writer and Director, Adrienne Shelly (also plays a waitress in the movie), was murdered on Nov 1, 2006. PASS