WMDs Found!

It was difficult, but I have identified and come into possession of Weapons of Mass Deliciousness.

I haven't cooked anything remotely interesting in a bit. I dreaded the idea of having to do dishes in my hobbled state. I'm not quite back in black, but I couldn't take it any longer.

Having to listen to my workmate talk in whichever Pakistani dialect she uses, I was struck with a need to do something Middle Eastern. Scouring the interworld for something not exactly Indian, it struck me that I should see how the other half lives. Specifically, something native to Iraq. This did not prove to be as easy as I like things to be.

Much googling was done. A recipe was found. The masses rejoiced.

I selected (and by selected, I mean, this is what I could find) a recipe for Chalabis Red Magloube. I'm taking for granted that any of these people know what they're talking about. The literature is scant. Nevertheless, I assembled ingredients and set to work.

My nemesis was employed to cut up some eggplant and onion, but otherwise there was not much heavy lifting for this.

As the time wound down, the aroma was driving me crazy. A little cardamom goes a long way and provided (with the cinnamon) an amazing and deep flavor profile. I'm quite sure that some tweaking is required, specifically in the amount of liquid used during the early going. However, the outcome was well worth it and I'm going to give it another go with some experience on my side. I also think my need to use meat on the bone made it more unwieldy, but bones make me feel manly (not that there's anything wrong with that).

I could have made it look pretty, but I was starting to drool uncontrollably and it was all I could do to get a picture.

More Movie Madness

Read here for policies and other nonsense regarding my movie postings. I won't retype because I'm still not a full man. Har har, you're so damn funny, now put aside your smutty thoughts and let's get down to it.

Live Free or Die Hard (2007)
It's John McClane. It's terrorists...cyber-terrorists no less! Things blow up, there's shooting and things smash into other things. What's not to like? Lots! Hell, I don't know why I dialed this one up. I'm not a fan of the franchise. I can dig Bruce Willis, but these movies always seemed hokey. I couldn't sleep and I keep seeing it in the list and convincing myself not to fall for it. Basking in the glow of the newly erected municipal sun outside my window at 3am, I could no longer resist. There isn't much to say, really. It fits the mold. You'll be cringing and thinking it's all absurd, just as I was. But a funny thing happened on the way to the forum. I found myself rooting for crazy 'ol John McClane. I was having fun. Then the movie lasted another forty minutes and the fun was long gone. Nice try though. I can say it didn't disappoint. Take that and run with it. PASS

I Know Who Killed Me (2007)
What the fuck. Seriously. This is a doozy. So, um, there's like, um, something that happens and there's like, um, a mystery and theres blue all over and it's annoying. Who wrote this? Jeff Hammond. Anyway...girl goes missing. Girl is found. Or is she? DUH DUH DUMB! People are confused. Will we ever figure it out? Yes, yes we will. Will they? Sort of, but it takes them a lot longer. Yeah, and back to the blue thing. It's a technique, someone went to film school or read a Movies For Dummies book. It's overdone, gents. We get it. Thanks. By the time the twist is revealed, all our wishing and hoping that it isn't what we thought it was an hour ago is dashed. It really is just so. Damn. As for Lohan....not bad. This was not her fault. She did what she could. There was some nice gore, but they added some elements that made it laughable. Glass cutlery. Really? REALLY? And it's blue!? Whoa. FAIL

The Nanny Diaries (2007)
Here we have the Cute Directionless College Grad, the Well-to-do New Yorkers, the Bratty Kid, and the I'm Not That Guy Upper Crusty Love Interest. So yeah, this should be a bomb, but as it happens sometimes, it was not. Sadly, I must report that I stopped multi-tasking and gave this my full attention. I don't even really like Scarlett Johansson and I definitely have a bug up my ass about Laura Linney. Nevertheless, the no surprises, feel good feature fit the mood and lived up to what it meant to be. Perhaps it was fond memories of my nanny, or a nice side role by Alicia Keys or an underutilized Paul Giamatti. I don't know. It was a weekend afternoon kind of thing. It was short. Everything turned out as it should. Hooray! Let's go for martinis and bum bashing! PASS

Mr. Woodcock (2007)
Oh, holy christ on a Popsicle stick. This is the kind of thing that scars children for life. I don't even know what to say about this. Guy succeeds in life despite a crummy gym teacher he had when he was 9 and goes mental upon finding out his mother is dating that same dipshit eons later. Sounds like an award winner. Damn, there's Stifler trying to be some other character. That's ok. I'll give him a lot of slack for providing me the decapitation scene in Final Destination. I think he may have actually been doing the role of Stifler acting in a spoof movie about making the worst movie ever made. That might explain how they got him to do the movie.

Sean's Agent: "It's Bowfinger meets Romy and Michele meets Saving Silverman. Are ya feeling' me, Sean?"

Sean: "What? Yeah, maybe....it could be funny. It just sounds weird. I never thought of Stifler as the theatrical type. Maybe that's where some of the goofs come in..."

SA: "Um, sure sure. We got Sarandon and Billy Bob"

Sean: "Really? I loved The Witches of Eastwick. OK, I'm in"

The bigger question is what kind of nasty do you need to blackmail Susan Sarandon and Billy Bob Thornton with to get them in a film like this. FAIL DOUBLE FAIL HALF DISASTER WITH A TWIST



Stay tuned. More helpful and illuminating reviews to come.

No soup for you?

That's super sad. You should get some.

This recipe for Sweet Potato Pear Soup is ridiculously easy. It tastes really nice. You get the something from all the elements, but it is not overly sweet.

Put things in pot. Cook. Blend. Stir and finish.

I used my trusty hand mixer. Watch the flying spume. It's freakin' hot and scalding soup marks are hard to explain to Mrs Kravitz next door, who is already suspicious of the black paint covering the basement level windows.

Avast, Ye Scurvy Dogs

I interrupt the movie madness to let Qi Sao strut her stuff for a minute. Hide your treasure and your young lads, this pirate lass is on the prowl.

Movies My Way

I'm going to take a few posts (read: until I get bored) to recap the movies I've seen lately. I've been reduced to a claw handed freak and so I don't have much else to discuss. I also figured, if your hand hurts every time you move it or something touches it, why not type up a bunch of movie reviews while at work until you pass out in agony and they send you home.

So we don't get off on the wrong (or wronger) foot, let me say that I'll probably drop some FREAKIN SPOILERS in there. I don't intend to since I won't be getting too detailed, but it will happen I'm sure (maybe I'll black something out if I can remember to). This brings me to my next point, which is that I watch a ton of crappy movies and you probably didn't want to see them anyway. I don't need to be informed that my taste in movies blows and that I should have liked this or I didn't understand that. I'm a big boy, according to my Mom, and that means I don't have to like Juno if i don't want to. Settle down, I didn't even see it. If it's still in the theater, then I haven't seen it. I can't recall the last time I was in one. I think for The Number 23. So take that for what it's worth. I also tend to multitask, so if a movie is not working for me, I get up and do other things.

I'm going to go backwards from what I saw most recently and I'll leave a Foreign Edition and a TV Edition for later postings. I am only going to rate things on Pass/Fail/Incomplete.

Onward!

Halloween (Unrated, 2007)
This is the Rob Zombie movie. What better thing to send a person off to bed with? I have to say, despite my reluctance to watch this, it was surprisingly entertaining. Even had a touch of edginess to it. This was primarily due to the first half of the movie, which details the relationship between Michael Myers, his family and eventually, the Dr. Loomis character (Malcolm McDowell). The kid does creepy fairly well. Perhaps moreso for me since the little shit looks just like one of my familial relations, who I am positive is a psychopath. Looking up the kid's name (Daeg Faerch) on imdb, I was disturbed to see postings talking about how gorgeous he is. Seems young for that kind of talk, plus he looks like a pudgy little girl with greasy hair. Anyway, the movie eventually devolves into the typical slash fest, complete with running and screaming. It had some violent scenes, but not too bad for a movie of this sort made in the last few years. I presume the few combinations of nudity and gore, plus a rape scene, were what tags this as the "unrated" version. Nothing groundbreaking and neither a prequel or a remake, but some kind of frankenfilm mash of the two. Still, a good enough genre pick and not likely to turn off fans of the franchise. Much better than I could have imagined when I first heard whispers about it being made. PASS

Last Legion (2007)
This is a kids movie, I think. I hadn't even heard of it, but I needed to watch something and it seemed to have some reasonable elements: Romans, swords, hot actress. Alas, it was a relative disaster. Accuracy is not required for these sorts of movies, but this was really something. The fighting was weak and the actors were not tremendously skilled in making it look good. Not to mention that I don't really like kid actors. This kid wasn't that bad, but the Caesar bit was just not working. The film didn't develop story and emotion. Certainly not for a sweeping epic type story about Excalibur and Empires clashing. Colin Firth, Ben Kingsley and Aishwarya Rai would seem like a winning combo. Would that it had worked out that way. It reminded me of a Saturday afternoon TV movie. Give me a Sinbad claymation joint over this any time. However, the film did not rely on gore, bad f/x or misplaced sex (you know where that is!), so it probably works for kids. On the whole, I have to give it a PASS since I watched the whole thing without getting ill, but I don't feel good about it. Maybe I should rethink my ratings.

I think it's time for that passing out now. More later.

Slap Fight!

Caught a link for this GameSpy bit on the Sony PS3 game LittleBigPlanet. I guess they are showing the game off at the CES 2008. I have to admit the video was pretty slick.

The little characters are ridiculously amusing to look at and appear to have some decent customization. The game has level creation including sculpting, cloning and rotating shapes "in world". The creations look crafty in the same demented cute fashion as the avatars. Something akin to a Stewart Little workshop. Could be some fun to mess around with.

However, being only two and a half years old, the thing that grabbed my attention was this comment

the developers have also added "slapping" since we last saw the game. Tapping a button will brutally backhand your buddy, hurtling him or her across the map (and potentially into the clamping jaws of an obstacle). Slapping is accompanied by suitably ridiculous sound effects and even the dev team couldn't help from busting out into goofy four-way slap-fights while they were supposed to be giving the demo.

Now we're freakin' talking! Slap fight, dood. I'm on it.

Quadrantids

Another meteor shower. This is usually a strong one (anywhere from 10-60 per hour at maximum periods), but is best in northern latitudes and highly dependent on the weather due to its short maximum burst period and comparatively faint meteors. Most active the mornings of January 3rd and 4th, Northern Hemisphere viewers can expect to see activity after 11pm and low on the horizon.

Look here for more information and a map of the radiant in the Northeast where the constellations Hercules, Bootes and Draco meet (the namesake constellation, Quadrans Muralis, is now obsolete).