3.29.2008

Ghetto Frosty

He gonna git you! Don't turn you back on him, kids.







Rockin Candy

Look at it! It's something that only the most insane people can dream up. It's chocolaty and sparkly in your mouth. Like a creamy Fourth of July.

But, for god's sake, please don't eat it with Coca-Cola. We all know of the horrific ending for that kid back in '76.


Poaching

I've been experimenting with poaching fish lo this past week or so. Basically, you are just cooking the fish in liquid. Take some wine or whatnot, put it in a pan, toss in some fresh herbs, garlic, pepper corns and that sort of thing, let it reach boiling and simmer it for 20 minutes or so. You want to really infuse that liquid.

Then you place the fish in there and let it simmer until done. It doesn't take very long. You don't want the simmer to be very robust or the agitation will break up the fish.

I did a creole sort by patting the fish with a typical cajun type spice rub. The liquid began with garlic and shallot in a pan with some butter, then adding a nice sweet white wine (in this manner, you don't need to infuse like you would if you had used a fresh herb concoction). After the fish was done, the liquid was strained and cooked down, then dribble over top. I threw a nice grape tomato and cilantro mix over top for the hell of it.



Spread 'Em!

Settle down pervert. This is all about the chickpeas.

I went and made hummus. It was easy as anything ever can be. It was so good that I may never buy hummus from a store again.

The ingredients are few: tahini (more on that later), chickpeas, olive oil, lemon juice, garlic cloves, salt, pepper, some fresh herb (like parsley, basil, mint...I used cilantro because I always have it laying about), and whatever else you may want to add (pepper, pepper flakes, olives, roasted pepper...I used tangy spicy banana peppers).

First order of business is the tahini. This is simple. It's just toasted sesame and oil. You can find toasted sesame or just pop them in the oven for a bit. Mind them, tossing them up often, and don't let them brown. Take those sesame seeds and pop them in the food processor and add oil (olive, vegetable or even peanut) until you get a nice thick paste. Not too thick. You want it more of a pourable consistency, as opposed to thick peanut butter style that sticks like glue. This stuff, when you get it right, is really tasty. It'll keep for a few months in the fridge and you could use it on some toast or a bagel or something. I had other things in mind.

In the processor, take that tahini (about 1/3 cup for me) and add a can of chickpeas, 1/4 cup lemon juice, couple of garlic cloves (pop them in the micro for a few seconds to warm and soften them first) and let 'er rip. After it is coarsely blended, add the salt, pepper and whatever else to taste and another tablespoon or so of oil if you think it needs it (I added not quite that much) and blend to a consistency you like. This will keep for a couple of weeks.



The freshness of it was unmistakable and it had great flavor. The toasted flavor of the tahini is a nice, sweet undertone while the bite of the lemon finishes at the end. My version with the peppers had just enough heat to make me comfortable. Next up, I'll have to make my own pitas.

I highly recommend giving a try if you like hummus. If not, I think you should go get a quarter pounder with cheese and a sixer.

Gone Dark




3.22.2008

Non Coverage

CBS, you really are a bunch of tools.

Let me tell you something. I don't really care what your analysts have to say. I don't need to be watching them fiddle with each other at a desk while games are actually going on.

Fortunately, I can turn to the DirecTV Mega March Madness Mix Channel to see what is happening. Unfortunately, I couldn't turn to the actual game because it was blacked out in my area. Instead, I had to watch the Mix Channel, which had the end of a game you went away from, presumably due to a lack of competitive basketball being displayed, and the game you didn't switch to (that was blocked on the DirecTV package).

I'm not exactly sure why networks behave in such a way. It makes little sense. I know your TV personalities want to feel needed, but the viewers just want to watch basketball. As much basketball as possible. The fact that there is live game action that isn't being shown is rather upsetting. Instead, we get to watch people rehash what we've already seen and stumble through analysis short on insight but long on buzzwords and hyperbole.

I hoist one to you. It must be nice to live in your world.


3.20.2008

Lazy Picks

I didn't watch any amount college basketball this year. It has become less and less interesting. I hope and I pray that somehow the dilution of both the NCAA hoops and the NBA from the massive influx into the NBA of raw talent with no physical presence, no basketball IQ and little desire for hard work. Now the college ranks are packed with 18-year-olds looking to get one year of play and some national exposure before jumping to a big payday in the NBA, regardless of if they ever prove to be worth that money or win any games of significance.


As a result, I have a hard time watching basketball at all and it is no different for this fiasco of a tournament. Despite what pundits say, this is not the most exciting event in sports, it's just one of the most heavily gambled on. Hence the reason I bother to pay attention at all. Normally I would do a bunch of work to think this out, but frankly it doesn't really matter that much anyway. For every upset you nail, some heralded team fizzles and leaves your predictions in shambles. It comes down to getting the last segments of the bracket correct. Just by virtue of waking up in the morning, I've heard more than I care to about the teams the should end up on top of the pile. Odds are heavily in favor of the top seeds....and for good reason.


I filled this sucker out in just a few minutes, with only a cursory thought toward the stats. I present this bracket almost unchanged from my first impression run through. The only adjustments I made were to put Vandy over Wisconsin, feeling my Big 10 bias was showing, and putting Texas in the final vs UCLA, because I just don't like UCLA.





3.19.2008

With Cornbread and a SIde of Slaw

Who knew I was so giving?




How many cannibals could your body feed?

Free Water

Really, I'm trying to play nice. However, the city wonks are really making it difficult.

In a move toward infrastructure improvement, the city has started some sort of street demolition project. Sure, it sounds glorious, but it wears thin rather quickly.

Firstly, the nice city people put up some handsome paper signs on a few trees. I promptly ignored them as I don't park on the street. This was a failure on my part. I awoke one morning and after putting on my face and packing up my drugs and money roll, I waltzed outside toward my garage. I was confronted with the sight of three gigantic trucks being filled with broken asphalt. Trucks that were nicely parked in a row, blocking my drive. I took this as a sign from god that I should not go to work. No blood, no foul.

I did take a moment to read one of those signs, though. It seems that they are claiming martial law on my street until April 30 (starting the beginning of March or thereabouts). WTF is that all about? I understand Union Time, but come on. Poking around in the days following, it seemed this was not just my street, but for blocks surrounding my house.

At first opportunity, I got my car out on the cross street to claim a spot in front of my house so I wouldn't get blocked in the next day. This opportunity came around 2:30 pm, which is apparently the new 5 pm. Mr. Slate never would have stood for hours like this.

So, nobody has anywhere to park and I can't use my own damn garage unless I get up at 5 am, but you can traverse the street after hours. Unfortunately, if you get home later in the evening, good luck finding a parking spot. I managed to park directly in front of my house, but covering the cross walk. This is a foul. I know this, but hell, give me a damn break. I got a ticket, of course. I accept that, but why did they have to post the time on the ticket as 2 hours later than when I walked outside and found it on my car? Did they anticipate my scofflaw attitude would only increase while I sat at my desk downtown? And why, people, did the officer have to litter the adhesive strip backing from the ticket on my front lawn? Isn't all the other crap from the demolition enough? What about the no parking fliers that are now flopping wet and lost in my backyard like unwanted paper-mache materials?

Now this. I walk out this week to find that the workers decided to water my lawn. Thanks fellas! It was at least nice to see them working. It seems they don't work every day anymore. Sometimes the equipment and junk sits idly for days. They are sure taking that April 30 date to heart.

Tax dollars at work. Glory be!



Smile!



More Random Foundlings



A city park after dark is a dangerous place!


3.15.2008

I Think You're Wrong


By the time you need to scrawl a note such as this, I think you've already lost the battle.






I Want To Party With You!

A person can see all manner of tomfoolery while out in the world. All I can say regarding this scene is I hope nobody lost an eye.


3.08.2008

Yak This Way

I was buzzing through someone's flickr photos and there was a nice pic of a yakitori street vendor. Naturally, it made me hungry. I ran out to get some things to help me bring that flickr to life in my own kitchen.

By the way, street vendors are a joy. You can find them everywhere. Just follow your nose. I know some of you probably would have a hard time doing that, given that your nose is scrunched up in disgust. Let me assure you, not that many people die eating this shite. Besides, it's a great way to grab some true local food if you are on holiday. It's also a spectacular way to end a good night on the town.

So, to the business at hand...

This requires very little in the way of ingredients. Chicken thighs, spring onion (Japanese leek if you have access), soy sauce, sake, honey (or sugar) and garlic (optional).

The soy, sake, honey and garlic (pressed into mush) go in a pan to reduce by about half. Having gotten that accomplished, take the chicken (cubed) and onion (inch long sections) and jab them alternately onto bamboo skewers. Cover with the sauce. Put the skewers on the grill. Baste liberally and remove when cooked.

This stuff is good.




Since the liquor store is in the opposite direction, I grabbed what I could in the way of sake from the grocer. The white plastic cover of this ridiculous little bottle acts as a tiny sake glass. It didn't really matter for this purpose, but I'm fairly sure that this isn't the "finest Japanese sake". You don't think they would lie to me, do you?


3.05.2008

Ultra Cool

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Scraping the Barrel

Every so often you have to go on a series of epicurean adventures that serve the sole purpose of using up items tilting toward the wrong side of fresh. You stand in the kitchen, open the cupboards and the fridge, and try to create some harmony with the elements.

You end up with strange sandwiches, garbage salads and casseroley concoctions. When I'm particularly lazy, I tend to dispense with any sort of culinary balance or S.O.P. Confronted with items that I simply will not throw out, I am bound to brave whatever boiling occult potion I can come up with using said item du jour.

In this case, the item happened to be some very good, fat-bodied shrimp I had left over from doing a simple cocktail on Friday. If I didn't do something, I was going to let good Crustacea go zombie. Being an essentially lazy soul, I tried to go easy on myself.

The result was surprisingly tasty. I have no picture to bolster my claim that any of this actually happened. I simply wasn't prepared and once I dug in, it was too late. As such, this post comes to you bare arsed nekkid.

The lowdown:

  • leftover pile of shrimp
  • last remnants of fresh herbs (oregano, thyme)
  • spices always at the ready to help in these situations (ground red pepper, ground coriander)
  • packet of udon noodles (without the soup spices, which I set aside for later use)
  • chili oil
  • olive oil
  • duck sauce
  • random celery stalks

While I lightly steamed the shrimp (not completely cooking them), I chopped the celery into insanely thin slices and then diced. When the shrimp was not quite done, I quickly tossed it with the chopped fresh herbs, the spices and the celery.

Simultaneously (you and me and her....SIMULTANEOUS), I heated up the wok with the chili oil and olive oil (roughly 50/50), then tossed in the shrimp and celery mix along with the noodles. Stir fried that for a few minutes to get the shrimp and noodles to come correct, then added enough duck sauce to coat and let it smolder in its juices for another minute or so.

Spicy, but not a five alarm disturbance. The spices blended nicely with the duck sauce and the spiciness. You can call it a creolasian shrimp stir fry. I'll call it dinner.

3.04.2008

I'm Really Trying Here

I'm well aware that I play fast and loose with language. I use spelling, syntax and grammar like a rented mule. I'm often seen muttering in a dark corner about language being a living thing. Something you shouldn't, and can't, control.

Now, let's get on with the hypocrisy.

I'm all for the popularizing of stupid shit like "lol" and other radical new speachifications. The reality is that the people shoving these new terms into our collective consciousness know that they aren't The Queen's English. They don't care. They are performing communication in motion.

My rage is induced by other maulings of the common tongue. Take for example (as I just heard it and it made me snarl) "efforting". I see you staring. You want to see it in a sentence.

"We are efforting to get an interview with Brett Favre or his agent."

Look, we made a verb, Mommie!

Not only does it sound like a flaming dog turd on your doorstep, it fumbles around in the sentence with no feel for its place in the universe. It simply doesn't belong.

The worst part is having to hear it on news broadcasts and from learned people, who are quite certain they are speaking the most proper English allowed by the New World Order. It creeps into business meetings and presentations, it's in the newspaper. It will, someday soon, enter into the grand lexicon of recognized words. I will blow a gasket. Nobody will care.

Do whatever the fuck you want with the living language. Communication is an art. Have fun with it, kids. But please don't insist I recognize your bafoonery as belonging in the OED. That's what slang dictionaries are for. That's what the internetz is for!!!!! LAWL!

I suspect this is just another way to make our kids feel better about themselves.

"OMFG, little Johnny said 'gerbserfurbit'! Quick, get that put into the dictionary. It's just not right to tell him it isn't the proper term to announce he bit the dog in the nads again. My little baby is so precious."

I'm efforting to calm down now.

Thank you, come again.

3.02.2008

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