I'm Really Trying Here

I'm well aware that I play fast and loose with language. I use spelling, syntax and grammar like a rented mule. I'm often seen muttering in a dark corner about language being a living thing. Something you shouldn't, and can't, control.

Now, let's get on with the hypocrisy.

I'm all for the popularizing of stupid shit like "lol" and other radical new speachifications. The reality is that the people shoving these new terms into our collective consciousness know that they aren't The Queen's English. They don't care. They are performing communication in motion.

My rage is induced by other maulings of the common tongue. Take for example (as I just heard it and it made me snarl) "efforting". I see you staring. You want to see it in a sentence.

"We are efforting to get an interview with Brett Favre or his agent."

Look, we made a verb, Mommie!

Not only does it sound like a flaming dog turd on your doorstep, it fumbles around in the sentence with no feel for its place in the universe. It simply doesn't belong.

The worst part is having to hear it on news broadcasts and from learned people, who are quite certain they are speaking the most proper English allowed by the New World Order. It creeps into business meetings and presentations, it's in the newspaper. It will, someday soon, enter into the grand lexicon of recognized words. I will blow a gasket. Nobody will care.

Do whatever the fuck you want with the living language. Communication is an art. Have fun with it, kids. But please don't insist I recognize your bafoonery as belonging in the OED. That's what slang dictionaries are for. That's what the internetz is for!!!!! LAWL!

I suspect this is just another way to make our kids feel better about themselves.

"OMFG, little Johnny said 'gerbserfurbit'! Quick, get that put into the dictionary. It's just not right to tell him it isn't the proper term to announce he bit the dog in the nads again. My little baby is so precious."

I'm efforting to calm down now.

Thank you, come again.