2.29.2008

Notes

Liner notes.

Since there is no longer a hard product, there are no liner notes to read.

If you still buy CDs or 8-tracks or whatever the alternative is to digital music, you need to think about what you're doing and write me a report. Those of you in Jamaica that are still getting hot wax, I excuse you from this homework assignment.

I need to know who Messy Marv is shouting out to on his album "Free Messy Marv Movement".

And don't nobody send me to myspace or I'll get you...and your little dog too.

2.25.2008

More Movie Madness v2.25.08

Hey, movie fans! I gather there was some kind of cinematical type awards thing that happened. I don't know much of how that turned out, but I do know that Lindsay Lohan was nominated for two Razzies in the category for Worst Actress. In the same movie! I love to rip on the latest crop of wastoids as much as the next guy, but I can't get on board here. There is plenty of fodder with which to jump on the young, freckle faced Lohan. She was not the worst actress I've seen in a film this year. Not by a long shot. I've detailed my issues with I Know Who Killed Me, but let's not turn the great Razzie award into just another weak way to potshot the latest headlining twits. It tarnishes the whole institution.

Speaking of bad movies....

The Heartbreak Kid (2007)
This was painful to watch. I suppose I am just supposed to tell you how awesomely funny it was because of the Farrelly brothers. Or Stiller (either one). However, I just can't do it. The story was lame, the jokes stale and the performances wooden. Just what the hell is this crap? Whoa, don't forget about the ending. It was failure on a silver platter. Listen up, folks. Don't accept this kind of thing. These people can do better, but YOU must make them. The last few people I discussed this movie with were telling me just how hilarious it is and I felt like smacking them. Don't be like them.
FAIL

Dragon Wars (2007)
This thing was also called D-War. Should have been D-saster. The basic story of lovers torn apart in the midst of an epic battle between good and evil serpents vying to ascend to great dragonhood, repeated every 500 years. So we get the great Asian back story as told by a person that didn't feel like acting that day. The lovers are now reborn to present day and the whole thing is replaying itself. The CGI f/x was not great, but they sure did have a bunch of it. There were evil henchmen that were some kind of rape child of classic cylons and Ghengis Khan. There were flying beasts battle attack helicopters and giant sloth-like dinosaur creatures with steam-punk rocket boosters strapped on their backs. Some Feds make a brief, pointless appearance and add nothing. A few very misplaced attempts at levity which, given the actual movie, were really not needed. They tossed me Darryl from The Office, but it just wasn't enough to counteract the crappy villain, the half thought out mumbo jumbo and having to watch people run (successfully) away from a 600 foot, angry serpent. Then it just ends. Thank god. FAIL

Good Luck Chuck (2007)
Here's another one that I find people liking. WTF PEOPLE? I like to look at Jessica Alba too, but this is ridiculous. I hear a ton about Dane Cook. This was my first exposure to him. He sucked. Period. The funny fat guy friend was a waste too (he redeemed himself somewhat as Randy Daytona, but we'll get to that in a bit). Guy is cursed, falls in love, must do something or other to get chick in the end. Simple enough. Been done. How to fuck that up? Well, you throw in some bad acting, really bad jokes, and a complete and utter lack of respect for you audience. Then you stir until smooth. Seemingly, the 10 minute montage of Chuck getting fucked was a really great idea. In practice, not really. Firstly, it was like trying to watch late night porn on the fuzzy station you didn't pay for (come on, you geezers, try to recall the old days). Secondly, it was too god damned long. Way too long. If you leave your audience checking their watches and wondering when the sex scenes will end, you really tooled it up. FAIL

Balls of Fury (2007)
This movie is dumb. I still laughed. It really has it all. Unlike the previously reviewed flicks in the Ridiculously Idiotic Comedy genre, it brought us ping pong. You can't go wrong with ping pong. A tale of revenge and redemption coupled with some kung fuey goodness, death match ping pong and Chris Walken. Unlike his turn in Good Luck Chuck, Dan Fogler plays the role of Randy Daytona to the hilt. Appropriately goofy and strange, this movie brings just enough to be above the average. Don't get me wrong, this isn't a classic, but that doesn't mean you can't find a chuckle. Walken is the same character, but I haven't tired of it, nor do I ever tire of James Hong. Those two cats are just funny. Aisha Tyler, George Lopez and Jason Scott Lee are nice accompaniments. Yes, I know, you thought it was crap. Go fuck yourself and don't forget to return your Netflix version of Good Luck Chuck. PASS

No Reservations (2007)
What can I say about this one? Not bad. Not good. Good cast, decent acting. It is, however, not much more than your typical romantic comedy. Being a step behind the times, Hollyweird is just know grasping the popular interest in all things chefly and the two leads are, yes indeedy, chefs! They also manage to have the poor child's mother killed right off, so we can put the two reluctant gals together, uptight over-adulty Chef Zeta-Jones and her niece, fresh from a mother-killing car wreck. Add a pinch of wacky, stud chef romantic interest and we have a movie! I won't lie, it did enough to keep my interested (mostly) and the child actress did a good job. Not to mention a nice bit by Bob Balaban as a therapist. Nothing new here, but at least it didn't suck. PASS

The Invasion (2007)
This is another movie that got slammed by everyone and their sister's dog. I have to start by mentioning that I can't stand Nicole Kidman. I should also say, I loved the original Invasion of the Body Snatchers and pretty much all bad and/or old sci-fi and horror. So, chances were slim that I would enjoy this. Funny thing, though, I did. I also found myself liking Kidman (maybe it's just knowing she ran screaming from that fruitcake ex-husband coupled with a need to fill the vacuum left by Katie, now relegated to "lunatic fringe" status). Anyway, the movie turns the body snatcher idea slightly more modern. Our heroine must stress her mind and body to the limit to protect her son. Certainly, there are some moments that don't quite work and, as usual, the end is rather slapdash, but I enjoyed what Kidman did here. No it wasn't edge of your seat tense or overly thought provoking, but I didn't ask it to be. I gather that the muckety mucks took the first version and had the Wachowski brothers to vamp it up. What resulted was car chases and nonsense best left on the cutting room floor. It was worth the look for me, but it fell short of special. PASS

The Killing of John Lennon (2006)
Not a subject I have much interest in. It was, however, a well made film. Captured the time excellently and was properly researched. The central character is a loon. I think that came across. There were some parts of the movie that were surreal and dreamlike. I suppose on the level of suffering the blur of the killer's mental state. Some people will like this, noting the really good work done filming and crafting this movie. Others will get their hackles up about Lennon, exploitation and all that dribble. Where I draw the line is the point at which I fell asleep...in the middle of the day. It was too fucking long. What I could suffer through was interesting, but my addled brain couldn't consume it all without flickering out. PASS

Waitress (2007)
A little movie. A movie about a small town, a small lass and her pies. And other, life stuff. I have a soft spot for Keri Russell, but discounting for that, she still did an outstanding job, as did most of her castmates. This is just regular stuff, done well. Relationships and life. Everyday complications and the pies that make it better, if only briefly. Jeremy Sisto is great as a shithead husband, Cheryl Hines amps up a version of Florence Jean Castleberry for the new generation and Andy Griffith is a top notch cantankerous old letch. I did, due to a mistimed canine bathroom break, manage to miss the last 10 minutes, but I can still confidently recommend the movie to fans of these types of stories. If you are more drawn to Hostel, you might want to pass. On the other hand, I liked it, so who the hell knows. At least they succeeded in what they meant to do, whether that is your cup of tea or not. Sidenote: the film's Writer and Director, Adrienne Shelly (also plays a waitress in the movie), was murdered on Nov 1, 2006. PASS

2.20.2008

Pasta Pasta

Here's a quirky little lasagna done in a slow cooker. The deal was to not have it heavily sauced. I mixed spicy italian sausage with the beef to add some kick (as well as ground red pepper). FInely chopped a large onion and added it to the meat mix, as well as some minced garlic (3 cloves), and browned it nicely in a pan. Next, added a 24 oz of sauce (my international market has some specifically designed to be baked/cooked for extended time), oregano and ground red pepper to taste, mixed thoroughly and then reduced heat.

The cheese mixture is a blend of shredded mozzarella, ricotta and freshly grated parmesan. Typically, the mix is about 4 cups mozz, 1 1/2 cups ricotta and 1/2 cup parm. I adjusted to about 2 cups mozz, 3 cups ricotta and 1 cup parm. This is a personal choice and a calculated tactic to offset the reduction in red sauce by using a heavier mix of ricotta. The added parm was just because it looked damn good. I confess at this point that I actually licked the empty cheese bowl like you might after making cookie dough. Sue me.

Now take a package of lasagna noodles (8 oz or so) and get ready to tier up. Base of red sauce mix, layer of noodles, layer of cheese. Repeat as needed, about three times. I reduced the amount of sauce used by going progressively lighter with each layer, such that when I put the final touch of red sauce over the top, it was more a thin veneer (that I mashed into the cheese) than a coating.

The other help here is the mechanism of the slow cooker to help the concoction stay moist, despite the lesser amount of red sauce. Cover it up, cook on high setting for an hour, then reduce to low and continue cooking for up to two hours...until noodles are tender.

If you have whiny, nitpicky sort of friends and family (you know who you are!), reserve some red sauce and it can be added to individual servings.

On the side, I put together a quick and stupendous salad. Pear, arugula, and endive...a combo I'm fond of. For dressing, I took whisked together red wine vinegar, fresh lemon juice, parsley, olive oil, mustard and a touch of sesame oil. Tossed pecans over the top. I considered dry sauteing the pecans with cinnamon or sauteing with some butter and then coating with honey, but ended up going raw.





2.19.2008

Other Moons

That's correct. In this entry we discuss something other than Lohan's ass waving.

In truth, this is a story of how to cover up.

You guessed it, it's Lunar Eclipse time!

On Wednesday, February 20, there will be a total lunar eclipse. Find details at this NASA link.

The link has further description of the Moon's path through the Earth's shadow, including times for the stages of the eclipse, for each of the major time zones.

For CST, mid-eclipse occurs at 9:26 PM.

An additional map shows the viewing area of the eclipse. All of South America and a majority of North America will be able to see the entire eclipse.

Bombshell

In more ways than one.

I'm sure this is covered all over the interzone, but reading a Chicago Tribune article about Lohan posing for pictures ala Marilyn Monroe's last photo shoot seemed so laughable as to make me, well, laugh. Insanely. Until weird mucus burbled out of my nose.

I mean, the cover photo for the magazine looked OK. Not the most flaterring picture of Lohan I've seen, but OK.

So, Bert Stern, the photog for the 1962 Monroe shoot did the recreation with Lohan in a blonde wig. This shoot came 6 weeks prior to Monroe's death via an overdose of barbiturates (so says the article). The cover pic has Lohan holding a sheer bit of material that barely covers her bareness. I'm not sure how risque the other photos in the mag are, but I expect they are daring enough.

This awesomeness continues as we know the Lohan has had multiple rehab stints, 2 drunk driving arrests and a cocaine charge. Lohan notes that Monroe's death was tragic and the article quotes Lohan as saying "I sure...wouldn't let it happen to me." Famous last words, eh?

The photog seemed to think this was going to give Lohan a chance to appear like an adult, as opposed to her playing a stripper in a movie, showing cooch in public and getting busted for drunk driving. Let's face it, being a grown up means taking your clothes off for everyone!!!!!!! And I thought that was a sign your little kid had reached the "strip down and streak the neighborhood" stage.

2.14.2008

Why don't the French eat M&Ms?

They're too hard to peel. *rim shot*

OK, today's grub is Coq au Vin. Essentially, chicken cooked in wine.

First off, I can tell you, peeling 20 or so pearl onions is a pain in the ass. I missed the memo. There has to be a trick to this. Please advise. Thanks.

Other than that, this is a relatively easy bit to do. Easy, but it tastes unbelievable and the smell along the way is almost worth it on its own.

I used a recipe from Simply Recipes. Tweaked slightly (very slightly) by using some really good salt pork rather than bacon and using a mix of red, white and yellow pearl onions. For the wine, I used a Coppola zinfandel. Some folks don't like this particular wine. I don't know why. Well, maybe I do. If you told me you had it, I would have scoffed, but a pal of mine gave me a boat load of bottles a while back and I was forced to acknowledge that it isn't bad. Don't skimp on the cooking wine, kids. I'm not telling you to break the bank, but the Night Train isn't going to cut it.

Anywho, for the mushroom component, I used the Baby Bellas instead of Buttons. I think it worked out well. You can't tell me different. The chicken was tender, well flavored and really, really juicy. The sauce was nice, with the salt pork and mushroom, and the pearl onions were sweet and tasty. As mentioned in the recipe, blanching the bacon first was key to cutting down what could otherwise have been an overly salty result.

Very little actual work involved with this. Especially if you ask your meat maven to hack the chicken for you. The largest effort was in waiting for the sauce to reduce at the end. I was freakin' hungry.

On the side, a little potato dealio off the Food Network website. This potato mix was stunningly good. Shockingly so, since I really didn't pay any attention to it, fitting it in as I could during the chicken work. Fresh and light, the steamed potato and dill working with the creaminess and dash of salt and fresh ground pepper.




2.11.2008

More Movie Madness

Wow! I've really taken in a lot of junk of late. As such, I must point out that I actually have liked a movie or two in my day. Really. It's just hard to recall when that was. Perhaps I drown them out with the next barrage of pointless screen candy. On the other hand, I really enjoy a lot of movies other people don't like. Perhaps my brain's neutron flow had the polarity reversed in a traumatic childhood incident. Let's not talk about that, let's get down to business.

Cloverfield (2008)
I have nothing particularly insightful to add to what has been said, similar to the lack of anything new that comes from watching this movie. It was short. I liked that. The concept must have sounded dandy in the meetings. There is a rash of uncomfortable things that can happen between concept and execution. I'm fairly certain the folks in charge had heard about the backlash to the other movies using this kind of camera view. They obviously didn't care. By the 25th minute, I had had it with the camera. Shortly after that, I realized that I didn't care what happened in this movie. What I wanted was a new look monster, some explosions and maybe something gross. I got a homemade movie similar to watching Kramer's version of "Cry, Cry Again". These folks did a real nice job making it look exactly like some inexperienced nitwit captured the whole thing on miniDV. Excellent job. There was a moment I wondered why the young lass was still wearing heels, why the secondary beasts sounded like angry muppets, why I had to see the stupid love story semi-develop, why it was all going to end in a way you thought it was, why the end scenes were so tragically bad (particularly, the meet-and-greet with the Monster), and why I should pay attention to such things as 6:42 am when it clearly doesn't fucking matter.

Now, all that said, there was a line about flaming homeless people that made me chuckle (don't look at me like that, it was funny) and there were moments in the initial destruction sequences that it worked very well. The acting was good enough and there was some nice stuff to look at on screen. I still wanted more Monster and less camera dancing. I am prone to bad monster flicks so I have no problem recommending it. Your mileage may vary. It wasn't a slam dunk. PASS

Side note: I actually enjoyed all the sidebar stories leading up to the release. The internet connectivity and all that jazz. It did nothing for movie watching experience, though.

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (2007)
Damn! This was long. 160 minutes. The title is a bit unwieldy too. Firstly, the scenery is spectacular. Sweeping vistas, big country (Western Canada, I gather, but I'm too lazy to find out for sure). The story was decent, I think. The acting, in parts, was really good. I enjoyed what I saw. Pitt was good. Same for Casey Affleck, Sam Rockwell and Jeremy Renner. It was, all things considered, a good Western. I'm sure someone somewhere loved it to pieces. Myself, I found my attention wandering and needing to break for spells. The movie, I believe, intended some of that feeling, but I just wasn't interested at that moment, in waiting it out. Still, comparatively, it was a solid effort and clearly, all the artists involved cared about what they were producing. PASS

Stardust (2007)
WTF? A town out in the boonies is separated from a land of magic by a small stone wall. A youngster crosses the border in search of a fallen star (later determined to be Claire Danes). There's a kingship up for grabs, witches, ghosts, spells, pirates and a cursed slave girl. Ridiculous, I say!

OK, I don't know why I watched this (familiar refrain from me). I didn't know anything about it. Until the writing of the previous sentence, I was not aware that it was an adaptation of the Neil Gaiman novel (that I haven't read). Well, it was humorous and soft. Not in that, this is what comes of 12 shots of whiskey and an ugly hooker kind of way, more like a comfortable sweatshirt and an old couch. The story bopped along, keeping my attention as it moved smoothly, and with good pace, toward the inevitable conclusion (it is a fairy tale after all). Strong writing was aided by the likes of Ian McKellen, Peter O'Toole, Rupert Everett, Michelle Pfeiffer, Sarah Alexander, Robert De Niro, and Ricky Gervais.

So, despite another blow to my macho image, this one gets a PASS.

2.07.2008

Remove the Bilious Taste of Politics with a Po' Boy

It seemed like the perfect time to drum up a po boy type sandwich. Something that hearkens back to a time before voters are told they are voting using invisible ink. A time like, oh, Monday.

A task like that requires something substantial. Something with flavor. Something that wouldn't require a knife. In these dire days, we should avoid sharp objects. I'm thinking sandwich. I'm thinking fried stuff. I'm thinking spicy sauces. Po' boy. Let's do it.

I happen to have a few cans of clams laying around, courtesy of The Great Gourmet. Don't ask. Sometimes it's best not to ask. I can tell you, however, that these things are good. Nice, sweet, whole clams. I typically use them for a cocktail or a stew, but frying is the order of the day.



OK, stop ogling my steamers. I made a remoulade a day ahead of time, using a bit of mayo (ewwww! yuck! how could you?), celery, Mexican bulb onion, garlic, spicy mustard, cilantro, ketchup, lemon juice, Worcestershire (whew, that's a mouth full), hot sauce and salt and pepper. On the side, I did up a potato salad. On the potato salad, I managed to avoid mayo, thank god. Boiled up some red potatoes, then tossed them (skin on) with celery, scallion, pureed cottage cheese, plain yogurt, salt and pepper. It really worked out well.

I cracked that can and dredged the clams in flour, then egg mixture and finally in some panko bread crumbs. I added some creole seasoning to the flour for a bit of spice. Tossed those bad boys in some veggie oil for half a minute or so and there you go.

Finally, the sacred phase. The building of the sandwich (cue trumpets). Toasted bun - not too much, just enough to make the outside crisp. Bed of red leaf lettuce. Next, a layer of those golden fried clams. Top that with a tomato just hours away from being too ripe. Slather that remoulade over it all and cap it with the bun top.


2.03.2008

Moving on Over

Following up the Iraqi Chalabis Red Magloube, I slid east over to Pakistan. I decided on a recipe for Chicken Balti. This recipe was terribly easy to make and didn't take much time at all.

The dish was akin to making a chili. Cook down the tomato, add in the chicken and then let it simmer. The aroma was great and the final product was flavorful, but not overly spicy. With some good bread, it was a nice dish for a snowy day.






Final presentation, with cilantro and toasted sesame seed sprinkled over top.

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