Nobody follows the grocery store etiquette that all civilized people should know:
- Be aware of your surroundings (this is obvious and should be in use for most waking hours)
- Keep an eye on your kids, because the rest of us don't want to
- Keep your farking kart out of the middle of the aisle and do not wander out of sight of the damn thing
- 15 items = 15 items. If you can't count that high, please ask for help at the customer service desk, the photo counter or the embedded Savings & Loan
- Don't use the self check-out if you are technologically challenged, need help bagging or you're just slow as all get out
- If the line runs back far enough from the register, you must leave space for the other shoppers to continue to use the aisles. Nobody is going to line jump you for leaving a gap
- It's OK if you spill something. Mistakes happen, we're all human. It's not OK to walk away without making sure you hear the words "clean up on aisle five!"
- Use the damn kart returns. I know you don't give a shit about your rusted out 1985 IROC, but respect the other vehicles, please
- The first spot in the row is not worth holding up all the other drivers while you wait for that woman with a walker to load her week's worth of groceries (you could get out and help her, you know). Also note that Handicapped spots aren't really there for priviledged people with placards, they're there for people with real issues. If you don't even have a placard, prepare to earn one free and clear when the rest of us catch you using that spot
- Don't leave your fucking pets and children in the god damned car! This puts the rest of us in a bad spot. Stop being selfish and stupid.
3 comments:
"Secondly, and I can't emphasise this enough, if you make any more comments about my items as you scan them, I am going to sucker punch you."
Remarkable. I've never understood the necessity to voice a play-by-play for the items crossing the scanner. But it happens, and is quite a phenom.
This is why when I'm bored, and the right checker is working, I will spend a little fun money to stage a curious story for them.
Vaseline, a large cucumber, bandages, and other such items march down the belt to his or her anxious hands to tell a tale.
They usually take the vow of silence at this point, when it all finally clicks.
However, I'm all for the sucker punch if that doesn't work. Or if the boredom is really bad that day.
Good entry.
I'm going to come up with a little grocery belt story of my own the next time I'm there. Not that my current purchases don't already set them all atwitter as is.
Funny post, Gabe. I'll have to read more often :)
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